Queen of the Bondo

Open up a writer and you’ll find a cavalcade of children’s books that will make you say, “that explains a lot.” Over the next few weeks I’m going to share a few of my favorites.

The Lonely Doll by Dare Wright

Remember the scene where Edith finds the secret stash of feminine mysteries? That was my first insight into what it means to be a woman. Other people were too creeped out by the Mr. Bear spanking scene, which didn’t creep me out until I read The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll last year. (Note: if you are thinking about becoming a helicopter parent, read TSLotLD as a serious cautionary tale.)

A Bargain for Frances by Lillian and Russell Hoban.

Hands down, the best book for lil cheapskates. Frances the badger — the same one who rejected veal cutlets and spaghetti and meatballs in favor of bread and jam — trades her nice tea set for one offered by an unscrupulous friend. Also called You Get What You Pay For, Frances and Caveat Emptor, Little Badger.

Minnie the Mump and Other Stories by Paul Tripp and Trina Hyman

This book, issued by a children’s vitamin company, was illustrated in various shades of sickly orange — possibly to evoke the foods an ill child might vomit: Applejacks, American cheese, Tang. It’s a collection of stories about horribly anthropomorphized childhood diseases. Why I obsessed over Minnie the Mump is a mystery. What’s not a mystery: the resulting 30+ years of acute hypochondria. At least no one ever had to remind me to wash my hands.